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I wasn't an expert concerning girls. Perhaps she was just like other girls her age. I didn't really know. I was thinking swiftly. What should I do? What would Erica think?"I don't know, Emma. I'm not really sure about that. I mean, wouldn't you feel odd, you know, nude? With me here and all?" Don't be silly, Dick. You're fine. I don't have any problem being that way around you. We're family now, right? I used to be nude with Mom all the time, in our apartment." Yes, certainly, Emma. We are family now. Yes. Your mother and I love having you here." My mother's a dear, too. So, okay, I'll just not bother with this silly bikini when I go out to sunbathe. Thanks, Dick. See you later. I'm going out now."With that she caressed my arm, touched my cheek, and turned to skip away. I suppose I had given permission. I wasn't quite sure. My erection was throbbing and I stroked it through my trousers. I wondered if I was losing control. I shouldn't let that happen.Emma's head appeared in the. I walked around in the park for a little while, alternating between fantasies of a romantic evening that never happened, & becoming increasingly angry at myself for thinking for a moment that I should be deserving of such a night. I finally sat on the steps between the ball field & the tennis courts, opening the flavored cigarettes with a sigh & thinking of my late grandfather, who ultimately died from the habit despite quitting almost thirty years ago. The wind seemed to fight me, to tell me that I’d done well, & should not be punishing myself… but I didn’t listen. Shielding the lighter with my hand, I took a long pull on the cigarette. The smoke seared my throat a little… & felt like poison as I exhaled. A small portion of death, less drastic than taking it all at once, yet somehow soothing at the same time. It reminded me also of other things… of former lovers who’d smoked, it was a little comforting to have that connection, even if it were for so brief an instant. The wind.
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